Heaven Forbid
by razra
Summary: The words were trapped in my throat, and my brain went into instant denial. This can't be happening… This wasn't what we wanted!
1. I never meant for you to have to crawl

**Heaven Forbid**

The words were trapped in my throat, and my brain went into instant denial. _This can't be happening… This wasn't what we wanted! All we wanted was..._

Something drew my gaze downward and I stared in horrified fascination as my body seemed to melt away. As the realization eventually penetrated my mind, I felt myself screaming: "BROTHER!"

Turning, I desperately reached for him, but it was too late.

That day, my world shattered and only I was left to pick up the pieces.

* * *

><p>Before, my world revolved around my family and friends. Now, I literally had nothing, nothing but my memories, and these were never enough to fill the void within me.<p>

I sometimes found myself composing letters I knew I would never send…

_Brother? How are you? Are you…_

…but I could never finish them; I didn't want to think of the possibilities of that day, and yet, it was all I could think about.

Soon after being thrown into this confusing world, I was introduced to magic and was offered schooling. My mind instantly rejected the possibility of magic, but I was easily proven otherwise. I didn't want to get my hopes up thinking that this would be my way home, but somewhere deep inside me, I couldn't quell the thought. So, foolishly, I agreed to attend.

I remember the day of the Sorting Ceremony when the hat fell over my eyes…

"_Hmmm… Difficult… You are brave and very loyal. A gentle soul despite whatever sin you felt you've committed… Very bright… I can see that you crave knowledge, and yet you fear its implications… Still, I think it best put you in-"_

"_RAVENCLAW!" _

Knowledge… Yes, what the hat said was very true. I craved it and feared it. If, during my research, I find that there is no way home, that brother has died or something else, then would I want to know? But still, some inner part of me hoped and hoped, and despite my reservations and my mind screaming to leave it alone, I looked and I learned.

But just what was the point of magic? Sure, it solved some problems, but it seemed to create an exponential amount of other issues in its place… just like alchemy.

My mind immediately shut down. I didn't want to think about it. If I did…

It was too late; I could feel the hot tears well in my eyes and I immediately ducked my head. DADA just was NOT the right place for a breakdown, especially on this day when we were to face our boggarts.

I turned to let the people behind me take my place, but it was already too late: I was next and there was no sneaking away.

I already knew what it would be; what it would turn into, but even knowing, there was no way that I could prepare myself.

"BROTHER! DON'T LEAVE ME! GIVE HIM BACK!"

* * *

><p>If I'm allowed, I want to be just a little more selfish and ask for your thoughts and prayers. I found out yesterday that my mom was diagnosed with cancer. She'll be having her surgery on Thursday.<p>

And I'm sorry.. if the story seems disjointed... the story isn't proofread. I can't focus on anything.

~razra

Title is from The Fray

**_Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why_**

**_Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright_**


	2. No I never meant to let you go at all

**Heaven Forbid**

Truth be told, I hated my birthday; I couldn't quite understand… was I supposed to feel _special_? Sure, I felt _special_ but probably not in the same way most others did. Normal people were always smiling and wearing ridiculous party gags on their birthday; they were happy to be born and to have that day recognized. On the other hand, I… I couldn't stop asking myself, '_Why?_'

Every year that passed, the ache only grew deeper. _I wish Ed were here… I wish mom didn't die… I wish dad were…_ Birthdays only reminded me of what I couldn't have and what I had lost. Yet, every year, somehow, people seemed to know when it was my birthday and I had to act the part of a happy person even though all I ever wanted to do was sulk somewhere.

I especially hated the tradition of blowing out candles and making a wish, because every year, I always wished for the same thing, and every year, I was once again disappointed that it hadn't come true.

There's only so much a heart can handle before it breaks.

* * *

><p>This is more of an interlude.. I think…maybe… we'll see what I decide...seeing as how I already started writing the chapter that was supposed to be this one before impulse took over... :

But yea! My mom's surgery went well and the surgeon thinks that the cancer was only superficial, but we'll know for sure when the results of her lymph node biopsy comes out.

Seriously, thank you for all the thoughts and prayers! They really helped!

Today's also my birthday! And I've really, so far, gotten the one thing I could have asked for~ :)

Time to go spend time with Mommy~ :D

~razra


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